sad

lets make this quick and i can start afresh and concentrate on my work. tomorrow will be a better day. i believe and it will be.

i really feel pretty terrible recently. can't rmb when did it started. but reallly terrible.

school work are piling and they are really tough stuff. not at all near to managable. but i have been trying very hard to cope and study. but study efficiently requires motivation and discipline. where do i find all this! i know i have to do well. and i will try my best. try to play lesser and spend more time with those notes and books. perhaps my expectation for myself are too far-fecthed. perhaps with a take it easy attitdude things will turn out better. but how do i find balance for that? projects are okay. new friends made. nice people nice company so not much complain, i count myself luckily when i start to put myself with mg. she have her problems and i really think some people are just pain in the ass. perhaps i am pre-judging or judging with personal views. got to look at the big pictures. gossips do make people feel better.

okay now the thing that makes me feel most terrible today. how can a man be such a pain in the ass. how could he do all this, when it started from nothing. sometime silence doesn't mean you can stepping all over that person's head. its ridiculous. some things i can forgo and just simple whining will just make all the bad feeling goes away. but when things accumulate in this manner. i cant help but see through all your wrong doings. i thought you was a nice person. really i trusted you from the bottom of my heart. but you went over the line of being friends. so i started to distance. and it became a topic for you to be angry and mad at me. and start all your nonsenses and stories. i let it go. no matter how much you just said and did. i tolerated. although at the same time i gossip and whine behind your back. but did you know i was actually guilty the first time i talk behind your back. but now i am no longer feeling that because i know whatever i am stating are facts, undeniable facts. okay, maybe i did say some things i think with too much confidence till it sounds like fact. but now omitting me. makes me feel terrible and threaten. i feel vulnerable, and i wasnt sure if my friends will still stay by me. why on earth would you do such things to make someone feel so terrible. it maybe one of your game but i know and i am sure i don't want to be that player. btw, you won the game. and i am such a loser to be so affected by all this nonsense.

bye.